The Venn Diagram that changed our marriage.
When we were first married, a pastor told us to “Try to See our Differences as God’s provision for balance in our marriage.” Honesty, this statement sounded more like wishful thinking or a fantasy statement, than real advice. Perhaps you are responding the same way. We wish we would have tried harder to see how this is true, because after 33 years of marriage, appreciating this fact, more than any other truth, has had a profound impact on our lives. We can almost hear the reaction to this statement through the internet. You might be saying, “but you don’t understand, [...]
Flying in the Fog
Sometimes when you parent a child with a disability, it’s like flying an airplane in the fog. There’s a lot of “angst” in not knowing exactly where you are heading or what your life will look like. Although we’ve often said this, we didn’t realize until we talked with a pilot, just how similar they are! We had dinner the other evening with a friend who is also a pilot and we were talking about flying when you can’t see where you are going. We found what he said to be very interesting. Our friend Steve, said that when you [...]
Good Grief!
When you are parenting a child with special needs, there often is a sense of loss ... a loss of dreams, expectations and your own independence. And with loss, comes grieving. Unlike some other circumstances where there is grieving, when there is a child with special needs, grief often recycles and rears its ugly head at life’s milestones. When our daughter turned 16 there weren’t jokes about her getting her driver’s license or dating. Milestones often can "remind” us of your loss and trigger all those feelings that come with grieving. There are five stages to the classic grieving process: [...]
“Tell me something I don’t know”
Your marriage, given that you have a child with special needs, will, in reality, be harder than if you had a typical child. (Hence the title—“tell me something I don’t know”). Normal things like going on a family vacation, going out to a restaurant, even going to church are more difficult. Countless doctor’s appointments, physical therapy, speech, behavior plans, restricted diets and med adjustments can be overwhelming and a reminder that our lives are anything but “normal”. Sometimes it feels like we are constantly swimming against the current. Life is just hard! It has been helpful to us in our [...]
Welcome to Our Special Marriage
Welcome to the first entry of OUR SPECIAL MARRIAGE! This site seeks to give couples who are facing the challenges of raising a child with special needs the tools, insights and most importantly, the hope to have a marriage that doesn’t just survive, but thrives. We also anticipate that it will become a safe place for you to ask questions and hear from other couples. We have been married for 33 years and have 3 children. Our daughter Mary is 32 and considered multiply disabled and non-verbal. Our marriage was on rocky ground for quite a while and it wasn’t [...]