Well, the Hallmark Christmas movie season is upon us.  Brian, who isn’t one for movies in general, has probably never seen a Hallmark movie; but I confess, that on more than one occasion, I’ve taken my box of tissues and watched a Hallmark movie.  Of course, in a Hallmark movie everything turns out splendidly: families are reunited; true loves are rediscovered; wayward children return home and organ transplants come through at the last minute and it’s a perfect match! I truly wish all of life’s problems could be solved in 2 hours; perhaps that is why I watch the Hallmark movies.

What I have noticed in these movies is that the entire town seems to rally around the hurting central character.  The hero of the story is usually loved and supported.  They are going through this really difficult circumstance, but people are there to help, listen and offer hope.  As Brian and I have talked with families raising a child with special needs, I am struck by how often parents talk about feeling “isolated”, “lonely” or “alone”.  And it’s not just that people are unable to relate to our story, it is that people are, truthfully, just not there.  Families aren’t invited to events. They often eat their holiday meals alone.  We spend a lot of time alone (and for many of us, we spend a lot of time driving around in a car! ­— alone).  Even at church after the service when everyone is socializing and sharing time together over coffee, we feel like there is a sign at our table that says “don’t sit here.”

I hope that I am not sounding bitter or angry, because, truthfully, I don’t think I am angry or bitter.  It is more that I am saddened by the reality that being the parent of a child with specials needs can be incredibly lonely.  We long for community, relationships and feeling connected.  For us, this has been one of those “hidden” struggles.  I think people are able to appreciate the practical difficulties of raising a child with special needs, but they rarely recognize the toll that isolation can have on an individual, a family or a marriage.  But feeling isolated and alone does take its toll.

So, what to do about it?  We encourage you to not “give up” on finding connections, albeit, you might have to look in some different places.  In our area, there are organizations and support groups that provide opportunities for social interaction.  This weekend there is free event at a local church for couples raising a child with a disability.  It includes a served and catered dinner, music and guest speakers speaking on issues affecting families like yours.  When events like this come up, take that leap and if possible, GO!  Many churches, schools and community organizations have ways to connect you to other families.  Talk to you pastor or supports coordinator about how to find such groups.  Pray specifically for God to bring someone into your life.  Take a step to pro-actively seek out connection in the community.  When Mary was younger, I was in a support group for about 8 years.  We shared information, resources, tears and triumphs, but we also laughed a lot.  And laughter was probably what I needed as much as anything.