Can you believe it is our twentieth blog?  Can you also believe that we’ve done 20 blogs on marriage and we are only now getting to talk about sex?  Of course, you can.  We all know that sex is incredibly important to a marriage, but we rarely talk about it.  In fact, most of us probably talk about it face-to-face with our spouse even less.  And if it is hard to discuss, imagine how hard it is to write a blog on the subject!!!  But we risk our pride and reputations in doing so because of how important it is.

Sex is incredibly important to a marriage (notice there is not an asterisk beside that statement that says, “except when you have a child with a disability.”). Although we know it is important, somehow it, like so many other things, gets pushed out of its place of importance because of stress, exhaustion, and all the pressing needs of parenting.  But sex is that one thing that you can share only with each other.  It’s not a weapon or a bargaining chip, but an essential element to a healthy marriage.

We don’t want to take a broad brush to gender stereotypes, but we have found that generally, men are interested in the physical act of sex more than women. It is hard for a woman to make love with her husband, if she isn’t emotionally connected with him.  It is hard for a man to feel emotionally connected to his wife, if she isn’t expressing her love for him through physical contact. Emotional connection only comes from quality time together.  Such quality time is hard to come by for a couple raising a child with special needs; and therefore it necessitates being intentional.  Do you have opportunities for quality time that can bring about emotional intimacy?

Like many other issues in a marriage, we need to give of ourselves with our spouse in mind and give without the guarantee that it will be reciprocated in a way that we appreciate.  In other words, men need to appreciate that their wives need to feel loved and feel emotionally connected to their mate and make the effort to connect.  A wife needs to appreciate just how important the physical act of sex is to her husband even though for her “holding hands and cuddling” might be enough … but to a man, it isn’t enough!

Whew! We’re glad we got to talk about that. We’re not sure why sex is so tough to talk about between a husband and wife, but it is.  We encourage you to talk about it.   Sex doesn’t make a marriage great, but it is hard to have a great marriage without it.

And now we need to call our kids and warn them not to read this week’s blog!