Your marriage, given that you have a child with special needs, will, in reality, be harder than if you had a typical child. (Hence the title—“tell me something I don’t know”). Normal things like going on a family vacation, going out to a restaurant, even going to church are more difficult. Countless doctor’s appointments, physical therapy, speech, behavior plans, restricted diets and med adjustments can be overwhelming and a reminder that our lives are anything but “normal”. Sometimes it feels like we are constantly swimming against the current. Life is just hard! It has been helpful to us in our journey to remind ourselves that “harder doesn’t necessarily mean worse, just different”. Most people will agree that easier isn’t necessarily better (You will hear people say something like, “kids today have it too easy”, indicating that easy isn’t always good). Well if easier isn’t better, then harder isn’t necessarily worse; just different. That difference can be more rewarding, enriching, challenging and stretching, but not necessarily worse.
It is as if you are running a race and you look over and see your sister-in-law or perhaps your neighbor running beside you. She is running faster and more gracefully than you and you wonder “what is wrong with me, why can’t I run as fast or as gracefully?” Then you realize that you are running with a 20 pound (or even a 50 pound) weight on your back. While she is carrying a 5 pound weight. And like every athlete who trains knows, you may not be as fast with the weight, but if you keep running, you will be stronger, you will have greater endurance, and you will be able to better overcome future obstacles. We’ve met many couples through the years and we have observed that parents of kids with special needs are some of the strongest people we know. You are strong; you just have to believe it. And when we feel as though we can’t do things that indeed need to be done, we have someone who has promised to neither leave nor forsake us.
Life may be harder, but don’t tell yourself that it is worse or without hope. Recently, we viewed an interview of several medal winners of the 2018 Winter Olympics. In every interview, not one medal winner said that their training was easy. Their training is hard … and so is yours.
I heard you speak at JAF this week. Thank you. During our morning women’s session, we were told of a story where God tells aman to push on a rock. The more he pushes and the longer he pushes, the stronger he gets. Then, he questions God, because he is not moving the rock. God reminds the man that he was only required to push on the rock – not to move it. I felt this story fit right in with your running analogy.
Thank you, this is encouraging. So it Dana’s post above ^^^.
We have been caring for our daughter with autism for 28 years. She’s like having a big toddler – funny, cute but very demanding and still needs so much done for her. She’s a blessing, but it is difficult. And tiring! And after dealing with autism for all these years, sometime I feel like I don’t know a thing!