Recently, Brian and I have been going through a difficult patch. Not uncommon in most marriages and not challenging our commitment to each other, but difficult nonetheless. Our differences in style and time management and personality traits (which has existed for 30+ years), now just seems to be a source of irritation. We’ve tried to talk through some of these issues, but haven’t been able (yet) to come to a “convergence of the minds”. Have you ever been there? We still love each other, but I confess that my heart is so unsettled when there is discord between, he and I. Sound familiar? As I was thinking about this, my mind went to what I’ll call the “Bobby Effect”. Strange place for my mind to go and certainly requiring an explanation. So here it is.
When my children were growing up, we had a remarkable young woman, named Danielle who helped us with Mary while she was in high school and college. She became a wonderful part of our family and actually asked Mary to be in her wedding! (which was an incredible blessing for both Mary and me.) Danielle had a younger brother named Bobby who was very sick with a brain tumor. Danielle was understandably concerned for her brother and asked me to pray for him. I had never met Bobby or even knew what he looked like, but committed to pray for him. Through his surgery and his recovery, I prayed. Still never meeting him. One day when I was dropping Danielle off at her home she said, why don’t you come in, you can meet Bobby. Well, I have to tell you, I was so excited to meet him! He had become like a rock star to me. I’m not sure I would have been any more excited to meet Brad Pitt or Peyton Manning, than I was to meet this young man that I knew very little about. What I realized from this experience is that when we pray for someone, not only does it potentially change the person we are praying for, but also what I learned was that when I pray, prayer changes me! God used my prayers to bring about a great change in me towards the person I prayed for.
So how does this relate to marriage? If God can drastically change my heart toward someone that I don’t know just by praying (remember, Bobby became like a rock star!), why am I sporadic about praying for my husband? I needed to pray more for him and consistently; not just the meeting at his work or an upcoming sensitive conversation with a friend, but for him, the person.
Often when there is conflict in a marriage, I often wonder who is right and who needs to do the changing (yes, it does occasionally occur to me that I might have to change). Because God uses prayer to change both the pray-er and the prayed for, we can let that decision be determined by God. My job is to pray for my husband and let God do the changing – either me or my husband and probably both. Prayer is powerful! It is an essential part of The Armor of God. Many issues (practical and spiritual) are at work at undermining our marriages. Praying for each other helps you stand up against these pressures. This week, I encourage you to purpose to pray for your spouse.
