Over the past several weeks, we talked about the unique and varied challenges that face a marriage when couples are parenting a child with special needs. We mentioned last week that couples often feel isolated, finding it hard to physically get out the door and hard to “fit in” once you get there. We’ve talked about the hurts individuals have felt because sometimes people that are close to us, who should understand our situation, often don’t. These things are true and representative, at times, of what our lives are like; but we would be remiss if we stopped there. We have experienced a lot of joy in raising Mary as well, although at the time, we’re not sure we appreciated what she was teaching us. Raising a child with special needs is a journey with challenges, for sure; but there has also been joy in the journey.
God has used Mary in our lives to teach us about Himself, ourselves and what is important in life. We have seen joy in witnessing Mary getting excited over simple things or learning a new skill. Mary has a laugh that lights up a room. She seems to be able to see the good in everyone!
We have experienced joy through individuals (sometimes strangers) who have met a need of ours for no other reason then they were being kind. For example, there was the time when my neighbor “out of the blue” volunteered to take Mary to her therapeutic horseback riding lessons one Fall, so I could go cheer on Emily at her field hockey games. Or the time two young women about Mary’s age wanted to take her to a Broadway show in New York City because they knew Mary liked musicals. Or when a former babysitter asked if Mary could be in her wedding and stand with her on the most important day of her life.
We also have known joy as we have witnessed hearts being softened to spiritual things or barriers lifted all because of Mary. We can’t explain it, but Mary’s life and our response to it, speaks to people in ways that words cannot.
People can be insensitive and circumstances often are extremely challenging, but we encourage you to look for those moments of joy and kindness. Unfortunately, we admit that it’s easier to call to remembrance those insulting, insensitive comments. We tend to hold onto those situations and rehash them over and over in our minds. But we need to turn them over to the Lord and let Him carry the weight that comes with holding on to anger. We’ve got enough to shoulder, we don’t need to carry that anger with us everywhere we go. Loosely hold on to those things that bring about discouragement and strife, but hang on tightly to those small moments that bring a smile to your face. Instead of collecting insults, seek those moments, big and small that bring you joy. And when you seek joy, you will find it – often in unexpected places.
