Forgiveness; probably one of the most powerful, yet difficult obstacles in our lives.  We cannot underestimate how important forgiveness is to our faith walk, our relationships, and our overall health; truly a juggernaut in our lives with the potential to heal or destroy.  Too often we hold onto our resentment as if by not forgiving someone, we are getting even with them or returning a hurt. But being unwilling to forgive always ends up hurting the offended, not the offender.  Corrie ten Boom, who was a Nazi concentration camp survivor once said, “Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free and to realize that the prisoner is you.”  We are to forgive others as Christ forgave us! Hard, but necessary.

We’d like to address an area of forgiveness that seems to permeate the Special Needs community, ourselves included.  We’ve talked to a lot of couples, and a source of incredible frustration and disappointment for them is the seemingly lack of acceptance of their child by close family members or friends; people who should “get it”, but don’t.  This was true of us, so we understand how difficult this can be.  A few people close to us didn’t know how to respond to Mary, so they just didn’t.  Some were just so “sad” about her disability that they couldn’t look beyond it and see a beautiful, joyful child with curly blonde hair.  Then there was the time, we received an invitation for our family to attend a neighborhood picnic, only to say that we could come, but “not to bring Mary”.  The result was that for a while we made it our mission to change how people saw her.

There is nothing wrong with wanting others to see your child as you see her, the problem was that we harbored a lot of resentment towards the people who didn’t get it.  We have seen so many parents who have written off family and friends because they had been insensitive, seemingly unfair or ignorant. And, truth be told, they are ignorant, because they do not know.  We often remind ourselves that we would possibly have been that way if we hadn’t had Mary.  (Mary has certainly made us much more sensitive to those who are hurting!)  But what we’ve also learned is that getting others to appreciate our life circumstance is often a “God-sized” task.  Meaning, that it may be impossible to do it on your own.  Do what you can, pray for the right attitude, but pray and allow God to do the changing.  It is totally reasonable to step back from a relationship for a season, but this is not abandoning the relationship.   Don’t be on a mission to change how people see your child or family.  While we concede that many people are clueless, or even worse cruel, and we understand the anger that comes with that, we encourage you to not allow yourselves to get stuck in that anger, because you will pay the ultimate price … Bitterness.  And bitterness has a way of rearing its ugly head in many areas of our lives, especially our marriages.  Decide not to become bitter and intentionally try to have grace for others.  It is truly worth the investment!  Those people close to us that originally hurt us with their insensitivity, eventually came around, after we forgave them.  Not only are we so grateful for those relationships, we also have been able to witness how God used Mary to change lives!  Ask God to help you to forgive others, not because they deserve it, but because you do. God will bless you for your obedience.

 

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