There are some things we learn by reading or studying. Some things we learn through experiencing a single event. And then there are things we learn by virtue of being on this earth 60 years (did I actually just admit to being 60!); certain things that have stood the test of time and circumstances. Hopefully, I’ve learned a lot in those sixty years and I don’t claim that what I’ve learned is applicable to you, but I’d like to share two things that have made a difference in my life.  I’ve learned that thankfulness and forgiveness are incredibly powerful in our relationships, for our inner peace and in our overall health.  We shouldn’t be surprised that the Bible speaks so often of both. Next week we will address forgiveness, but this week, we will try to unpack why being thankful is so important—especially in our marriage.

Being thankful, is actually a daily choice we make.  It is a habit we can purpose to develop.  And like other habits, some are easier than others to cultivate.  But having a thankful heart, I do believe, is worth the effort; but it has to be intentional.  It is like a garden.  If a garden is left unattended, it will quickly be over run with weeds; however, if we intentionally plant flowers, not as many weeds will grow.  And more importantly, when weeds do appear, we won’t notice the weeds as much because we are looking at the flowers.

I remember when Mary was young and life was overwhelming. We were constantly aware of what Mary couldn’t do; either it was a doctor telling us about her deficits or the bad feeling we had in the pit of our stomachs when we compared her milestones with other children her age.  Having a thankful attitude, was hard for me to practice back then.  I remember being in a grocery store when Mary was young and just not liking any of the mothers who were walking around with their “normal” children.  I knew I needed (and wanted) to change my outlook.

The Bible does tell us that we can change how we feel.  Proverbs 23:7 (NAS) tells us, “As a man thinks within himself, so he is”.  I had to guard where I let my mind go to.  I needed to do things that would cultivate a thankful heart, not a bitter spirit.  But, I also knew that it had to be genuine, as a “fake”, thankful heart wouldn’t help anyone.  Here are a few practical steps that I found to be helpful.

Music. Psalm 42 tells us that praise is the prescription for a downcast soul.  I often did not feel like praising God or thanking him for my circumstances.  I remember listening to praise songs.  Soon I would start to sing along and after singing along, I eventually truly and honestly started to believe the praises I sang.  It also helped me to focus more on the greatness of God, rather than my circumstances.

Blessing Book. Because there were so many times that I didn’t see God’s hand or feel His love, I started to record those times when I was able to see God’s blessing.  When God showed up big or answered even a small prayer, I thanked God and wrote it down in my Blessing Book.  And when I didn’t feel His presence in my life, I would pull the book out and read it.  I knew that if God had heard my prayers before (after all it was written in my own handwriting), then I could trust that he would hear me again.

Photos. When God answered a prayer in the Old Testament, the Israelites would erect a pillar of stones to commemorate that blessing, but more importantly, it was a way for them to remember God’s faithfulness. So, in my kitchen, I have a picture of a time when God answered a prayer.  No one knows the significance of this picture, it just looks like a picture of the kids, but I know.   The picture brings to mind a time when God showed up big in a miraculous way.  I put it in the room where I will see it the most … a daily reminder of God’s faithfulness and a reason to be thankful.

Take a moment to consider things to be genuinely thankful for; in your kids, in your friends, in your life, and especially in your spouse.  Purpose to cultivate a spirit of thanksgiving, by daily looking for those blessings in your life (especially in your spouse).  I guarantee you will have a big return on this investment.

 

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