One Bible verse that has been helpful to me, especially when I feel as though I am being tested or under fire is Job 23:10, “But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold”. I know that to become gold, something/someone has to go through a lot of heat. But honestly, sometimes I have to admit I want to say, “Lord, I think I’ve been tested enough. Alright Already!!! I think I’m OK with bronze; you can stop testing me now. Certainly, I’ve been tested enough to come forth as Bronze … and I’m OK with that”. I do believe that God desires the best for us and indeed wants us to “come forth as gold”. I think that is true of our marriages as well.

If you are the parent of a child with special needs, you undoubtedly have heard the horrendous statistics about the divorce rate for couples raising a child with a disability. We’ve heard it is as high as 80%! Sometimes that fact alone can be overwhelming. But here is some good news. Recently a study was conducted at the Center for Autism and Related Disorders at the Kennedy Krieger Institute in Baltimore. The study found that marriages where there was a child with autism did NOT have a higher likelihood of ending in divorce than a family that did not have a child with autism. The study did acknowledge that couples raising a child with autism had a higher level of stress in the marriage. However, the study also seemed to suggest that if a couple develops good methods of communication and coping skills, during the early years, their marriages are actually stronger. If you can stay together during the early difficult years, your marriage will indeed come forth as gold. Although there was a time when neither of us thought that our marriage would survive, we cannot imagine not being married. We still love each other, but I think it is more than that. There is no one else in the world that gets what each of us has been through … how we’ve grown, struggled, triumphed, grieved, cried. No one else who gets it. I’m so thankful that we pushed through, because now we have 33 years of memories, 33 years of stories, 33 years of life together.

If you are feeling hopeless right now in your marriage (and we understand that, we were there), we encourage you to get some help, perhaps counseling, or respite, perhaps there is another couple you can talk to or even your pastor. Hold on to your marriage. It is worth it. You are in the midst of trials and testing for sure, but you are also in the process of coming forth as gold.

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